Even More Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

- Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Arkham (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

- If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.

- Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

- If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.

This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house